A short incomplete story

What’s happening to me?

I really don’t know.

I think this is the right time for a little bit of “introspection”. I need to take some time off. SSDD. This sounded quite sensible to me the first time I read it in a Stephen King’s book. The expanded form being Same Shit Different Day. Doesn’t it sound familiar to you in a way.

“I’ve told you a hundred times you aren’ fit for this job”, said one part of my mind.

“Then give me an idea that’s going to feed me and let me enjoy my work”, said the other part.

“Well, there are so many things you can do”

“Like?”

“You can be a teacher or become part of a NGO that’s into wild life conservation”

“Cut the crap, you know that I thought about these two options long before I took this as my profession. When I thought I was interested in wild life conservation there was nobody to support me. And as far becoming a teacher is concerned, the pay they are going to give me won’t be sufficient to fill gas in my bike. We’ve had this conversation before and every time I have to remind you not to screw my happiness thinking about things that aren going to happen. Instead why don’t you help me solve the problems I have on hand. Will you give me a break and help me out”.

“Okay, Okay, chill man, why are you getting so frustrated. We’ll figure out way to kick these problems out. However, the first thing that you need to do is take a break. Give your boss an excuse and get the hell out of here. I think its time for a long drive on the bike. Its been a long time since we had one. So give him some lame excuse and lets get out of here. Also, don’t give that stupid excuse saying that your grandma died. Think of something innovative”.

“All you can do is just crib. Have you ever in my lifetime given me a good idea”.

“Of course I have. Who thought about the excuse when we had to go on a drive last time. It was me who told your boss that your friend had died under mysterious circumstances. We had great time on the beach. Don’t you remember?”

“Yeh that was THE most brilliant idea you could think of sending some innocent guy to the grave”.

“Now its you who are cribbing. So cut the crap and go meet that bulldog boss of yours”.

That evening I told my boss the truth. The truth being that I needed some time off and how I needed some alone so that I could bring about some order into my completely disordered life of mine. To which my boss laughed his usual sarcastic laugh and said that I was just running away from my work. Finally, after an hour of lectures, seeing that I was keen on getting away, he gave me a couple of days off. Relieved, I said my usual goodbye s to everyone around, I got on my bike to go on a journey which later I can tell you had a profound effect on my life.

I always loved going on long drives. As a kid whenever I needed some time off I used take my bicycle and head to any place that was quiet. I loved silence around me whenever I needed to clear my head. This was one such getaway.

I always made it a habit to pray before I left on a journey. And as usual I asked God to take me safely to wherever I was going and back.

As I was filling gas in my bike I thought of going to the hill station nearest to the place I was staying. It was a five hour long drive and it was my favorite place.

I went home changed into casuals, and stuffed a pair of clothes into my bag, grabbed a bottle of water and my Swiss knife. I always made sure that I never carried expensive stuff whenever I went on these long drives. From the point of view of safety I guess it made sense. I used to carry a little change along and mostly carried a credit and a debit card. Since I was going on a holiday, I figured taking my mobile wasn’t necessary. So, taking into consideration all the factors I guess I was ready for an outing.

It was not more ten minutes on the highway, a strange thought occurred to me.

Why do we live? Or it was more like Why are we living?

This is one question for which I could never find an answer. Of course, most of the times we live for our parents, then its for our spouse, for our children, for friends and for a million other things. However, Why do we live?

Whenever I thought of such things, I used to feel that there was something happening out there in space, and we were like actors in a movie. Somebody out there was directing each and every step that we take. And then I wondered if it would be possible. There are more than one billion people in our country and how on earth would it be possible for someone to direct each and every one of those one billion people!

You must have heard the things people say whenever something bad just happened to you. Oh! Its all God’s wish. Oh! What can we do, when God wants us to do something else? Or if somebody passed away in your family, then the most common phrase would be “God takes away all good people!”. Does that mean you are bad? Or “Why did he have to die so early?’’. Why would you like to take his place?

Coming up next is the beautiful track from Rang de Basanti, and I hummed the song for a few minutes. I wasn’ listening to radio, it was my one of those things that I dreamt. I wanted to be an RJ. Now there were many things that were close to my heart. I wanted to be a psychologist, a lawyer, a pilot, a journalist, a entrepreneur, a doctor and a lot more things that I’ve forgotten over a period of time. Each time look back and regret not being one of these. The irony was that I never in my dreams imagined that I would be an engineer. I really never thought of being an engineer. But life had other plans and I became an engineer. Which was the saddest thing and the most boring thing that can happen to a man of innumerable talents. My seniors’ used to come to college on weekends and they would give us a treat since they were working. And with every person I spoke to the syndrome would be magnified. The syndrome being SSDD.

Friends have always been an integral part of my life. There were different groups among my friends. Friends I met in school, in college and when I was working. And the funniest part is I enjoy being with each group and enjoy my time with them. I had sorted out the time during which I would meet the three different groups. Morning to evening would be the college group.( morning meant 11 am, because I used to hate rising earlier than 11 am.). Evening to the end of the day meant being with the guys from school( Again, end of the day means not earlier than 1 am). And the weekends were meant to be spent with guys from work.

I found a drive in restaurant, and I loved the food they made here. North Karnataka meals was the specialty here and you could have an unlimited amount for a very meager amount of money.

The next town was about 20 kilometers away. So, the next couple of minutes went in silence. I was concentrating more on the road, than on the anything else. And Then, again my train of thoughts again started chugging their way through my mind.

It so happens that most of the times in life, you end up doing things that you never expect to. Events unfold in a such a way that they make you change or reconsider your decisions. This has happened a lot of times with me. Let’s go back on a flash back.

Whenever I wanted to attend class or do something that I wanted to, it never used to work out. Something or the other always used to come up which sounded atleast more important than going to class. And CLASSES! They are most boring thing that can happen to anybody. Going to college is fine! But going to class, is UNTHINKABLE!

I lead a totally disorganized life in college. As I’ve said before, can you imagine waking up at 11 and then going to college. And that STUPID HOD of ours. He was a real pain in neck! Rather the whole damn department was stupid. To meet the most sadistic, pessimistic people on earth you have to visit our department.

I don’t know how I scraped through with all those people around. Sometimes, I felt I really wouldn’t complete my course. I did. I somehow did.

I always believed the line “Don’t irritate people for the solo intention of irritating them”.

But there is one more line which goes “ For the rule, the rule itself is an exception”.

The reason why I mentioned the two lines was that, the first line holds false when it concerns my department. The second line is just an argument to convince myself that its alright if you follow the first line.

This is the best part about going on a ride. You can think of all the nonsense you want to without the tension of being ridiculed.